my daughter had SO much fun with her dad at this dance on Sunday. She is in the Kindergarten, this was her first dance. I wish it could be renamed to something to be more inclusive of all families.

Maybe call it a "Sweetheart Dance", it shouldn't change the dynamic of the dance, I'm thinking it will help the girls with alternative guests to feel included.

Brigara, that's such a great idea. A "Sweetheart Dance" would still honor the tradition for the daughters with dads, but would help everyone find a way to feel like its their dance, too. The father in the family across the street died earlier this year, leaving behind two little girls. Wouldn't it be great if they could feel welcome right from the first moment the dance was announced?

When I was a little girl, we had a father daughter dance at our school. My father abandoned us when I was two, and my mother raised me on her own. She worked so hard to be both mother AND father to me. I was too young to understand why she couldn't come with me and I remember crying about it. My neighbor, a family man and a nice guy, ended up going with me, but it felt so fake to me--like I was there with the wrong person. Now, this was more than 25 years ago.... and I have to admit I am disappointed that we have not come further, as a society, in our ability to be inclusive with our children. Brigara, I LOVE the idea of a "sweetheart dance" that opens the stage for girls to take the person they most cherish. They shouldn't have to settle just because of outdated notions of what makes a father. Parents come in many forms. Let's not decide for others what that should look like. Give the girls the power to make that decision, please.

A simple name change could go a long way to include those who should be included, rather than the best male father substitute a girl can come up with. Thanks so much for bringing this up.

It is a nice idea, but will that then open the door to the entire family? Will Mothers go with sons, Moms with daughters, Fathers with sons? If so I fear the dance itself will just fade away as there is no way to acommodate so many and that would be such a shame......

Kerry, I think if you poll many of our surrounding towns and local private schools you will see that they have adopted a name change but the integrity and intent of the dance continues to be father-daughter. Changing the name doesn't alter the experience for the majority, I am honestly shocked to see that this isn't easily agreed upon by all. My husband and daughters will enjoy the experience and feel special despite the name, it is the few children that will feel uncomfortable that I am thinking about. These are kids. The dynamics of life and family can be complicated, why not facilitate a community for all to feel included in events?

I disagree that changing the name would not alter the experience for the majority. I would not have any interest in a "Sweetheart Dance" mostly because my wife is my sweetheart so why would I bring my daughter? I don't think the dance would have the same feel if we called it "Parent-Child Dance" or "Old person - Young person Dance". All girls are welcome and therefore are being included in the event. They spend 84 of the 90 minutes having a good time with their friends regardless of who brought them.

EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA!!!!

Everything has to be changed because on sensitivity , etc.. How will these kids ever cope in the real world if their childhood has to be "PERFECT"? Lets rename mothers day and fathers day because some people don't have one or the other. I lost my mom at a young age and I never had a problem on mothers day when other families got to celebrate. Now do you understand my point of view, TMHS grad?

I attended the event with my daughter and I completely disagree with the notion that sensitivity to those without a father is "what is wrong with America." We aren't talking about renaming Christmas, we are talking about renaming an event that is going to actively cause pain for some little girls ONCE PER YEAR FOR 5 OR MORE YEARS!!!

No, we can't change Father's Day but we can change the name of this event ever so slightly so as not to cause additional pain for those children who already have to endure a fatherless childhood. "Sweetheart Dance" was just a suggestion, come up with another name if you like.

The only part I find "pathetic" steevo, is that you and others in this post care more about how your own feelings will be hurt by the name change than you care about children with stories like Sarah and what they have to endure.

Jake, I feel sad for you growing up without a mom, and you are not being honest about your feelings toward mothers day.

The event won't change because we come up with a less hurtful name. THAT kind of ignorance is what's really wrong with America!!

The world is going to hit hard and leave its mark on our kids no matter what we name these dances, but the question is this--are we going to tolerate gender discrimination in our schools or are we going to change it? I think this article, from a different New England Patch, makes some good points to consider: http://eastgreenwich.patch.com/articles/eg-schools-candidate-mark-co-signed-father-daughter-dance-letter-to-cranston

Ok, let's call it a Sweetheart Dance so we do not exclude or hurt anybody. But what if an unfortunate child is confined to a wheelchair? How dare we offend them by calling it a dance! So let's call it a Night of Enjoying Music With Your Sweetheart. But what if an unfortunate child is deaf? How dare we offend them! Where does it end?!?!
As I stated last month when this very same topic was discussed on The Patch, a child will be upset by the simple fact that they are not able to attend with their father while the vast majority of her friends were able to. It does not matter what the name of the event is, they are going to be upset about the situation. I too grew up without a father so I completely sympathize. I am just of the mindset that we have to help the child accept and adapt to the situation rather than worrying about what we call something. I am a proponent of supporting a child through adversity rather than shielding them from it. I cringe at what we are doing to this generation. Reality is going to hit and it is going to hit hard when these kids realize that they are not always going to get a trophy.

You can’t call it a “Sweetheart” dance either. Sweetheart can be a derogatory term used against Women and can be taken as a “hostile” term. We would need to schedule a meeting first to hold hands and discuss the “context” of how “Sweetheart” is to be used and exactly how it can be used or not used. We will also need to very carefully craft a “disclaimer” stated that the term “sweetheart” is being used within the context of a “dance” any no intent is made to inflict a hostile tone against Women nor is any attempt being made to create a “hostile” dance environment. We must also require that the facility hosting this “Sweetheart” dance take out insurance to cover the cost of Counseling of anyone who may be “emotionally” scarred by being exposed to the term “Sweetheart”
This is obviously going to take some time to craft so I would suggest we simply remain locked in our homes, and completely minimize our contact with the outside world. We would not want to make any statements or take any actions in our daily lives that may be interpreted as “insensitive” or “hostile”
I myself have probably seriously breached the “insensitive” or “hostile” policy that now rules over the more simple law of common sense….but hey…you gotta start somewhere.
Happy Freakin’ Valentine’s Day everyone….

Considering a change in name isn't about pandering to the sensitivities of children, giving them a trophy or making their childhoods perfect. It is about accepting the real world and that the structure of family is not always traditional. This is the reality of our world and community. This is a school sponsored event, it is not a private event. Recognizing that some people choose to raise children as a single parent, with same sex parents or have the unfortunate situation to have had a loss of parent/elopement of parent are all very different situations. It is a simple concept, the flyer that goes home is an invitation to an event. Can we just be mindful to invite everyone with words that don't feel exclusive to children. Despite the fact that some people have personal opinions and obvious judgements about how others choose to define their families, that is not what this is about. According to Wikipedia in Tewksbury "9.1% had a female householder with no husband present".
What do we want to teach our children exactly? It is ok to be discriminatory as long as we call it "tradition". Give me a break.

Wow, sponsoring a Father-Daughter dance is now a form of discrimination even though every daughter is welcome to attend regardless of whether they come with their dad or another adult? Again, wow - just wow.

Of the 9.1% how many have children present? How many are widows living alone?

I am with Mike Iannacci on this 100%.

Me too. Go Mike!

Go Bob!!

Completely agree with you as well, Mike! My fear now is that with so many complaining they will cancel the dance all together and then EVERYONE will be hurt. Its such a shame. I moved to this town from NH two years ago and have been thrilled with the opportunities that my children have been able to be a part of. John Lyons and the Community Service Staff have gone above and beyond to provide events and programming for the children in this town regardless of their disabilities etc....and now people will find fault in that as well.

OMG people..First you should no longer say Merry Christmas because you may hurt someones feelings who isn't religious no they want there are suggestions about changing the name of a valentines day dance. Get over ittttt...its a father daughter dance.

OMG people..First you should no longer say Merry Christmas because you may hurt someones feelings who isn't religious now there are suggestions about changing the name of a valentines day dance. Get over ittttt...its a father daughter dance.

Sorry, Im so frustrated over this my spelling is all off..

I personally don't believe in changing the name. My daughter is 7 years old. Last year she went with her older brother who was 21 at the time and this year she went with my dad, her "Pa". She was not in anyway ashamed - actually she was proud that she has such a wonderful array of men in her life who care for her. When she came home this year she mentioned that "to keep anyone from having hurt feelings, she should probably take her Uncle next year". She loves the dance, is not "put off" by the name of it, and, no matter who she takes, she (I am told) pretty much drops her date like a hot potato to dance with her friends anyway. Lighten up folks, teach your children to be more emotionally secure with who they are.

Oh, just as a follow up to the last comment I posted, I just asked my daughter if the name "Father / Daughter Dance" bothered her at all.... She said "No, why?" I said because you don't go with a father. She said, "that's a stupid reason for it to bother me". Out of the mouths of babes....

haha...i am amazed that this story has 37 comments (38 now). Tewksbury and their 'dances' are pretty hot topics in this town!!